Because of last week's surgery, I am lounging in my recliner, reading, writing, watching the Dan Patrick Show and recovering from said surgery. It also means that I am not working at my job. This is a very strange sensation.
I am 39 years old. I have more or less worked every day since I was about 13. Now, not counting the "teachers have Summers off" myth, I have never been written out of work, collected unemployed and never been hurt at work. I've always worked in one way or another. Whether that means two or three jobs at a time, school and work, whatever...all I've ever done is work. I can count the number of honest to goodness, "real" vacations I've taken on one hand. (Honeymoon, Three trips to Florida) But now I have an extended period of time off that could last into February. (I am praying that it doesn't.) It is a wierd, bizarre and more than somewhat unsettling feeling.
Now it's only day six since I've been out of work and only the 2nd day that I'm at home instead of being at work. Ask me in two weeks how I feel.
Alright, I think I finally figured out how to wrangle in this tough chapter of SISTERS OF KHODA and my TBR list is going to melt away in the coming weeks.
I promised I would check in from time to time on this blog with things of a more personal nature and I wanted to let some of my Old School Stoners in on something. As of around 10am on Thursday December 6th, I am the owner of a brand new, shiny hip joint. The relief has been immediate and I feel fantastic. I'm sore as hell and need the assistance of a walker to get around, but the pain that was shooting down my leg is gone. And I am thrilled. I cannot express how amazing I feel and just how happy I am.
Originally, the plan was to have the joint "resurfaced," but the hip was so bad, between bone spurs and a large cyst on the ball of the leg bone, that my ortho decided to do the full replacement. Same recovery time, just a different operation.
So, it's a new me. Once I'm cleared to exercise, I'm countng on dropping another 30 pounds. The next few months look exciting for me.
Writing wise, I'm still plugging away at SISTERS OF KHODA and hoping, with the time off, I'm going to finish it by the end of this week. When that's done, I'm hoping to do some short stuff and plan some 2013 projects.
Hello my Livejournal friends. It's been a while I know. I'm blogging with Blogger now, focusing on writing, not the hodge podge that LJ had become for me. Eventually I will have a webpage set up. But I've decided to link my blog posts from here to there. Everything I blog over there is public, where there were things here that I kept f*listed for personal reasons.
Thanks to saetter for putting the expression "survivor's guilt" in my head. It perfectly describes the way I feel. I found out today the number of cuts that are being made in the district by department. Only one English position is being cut. MASSIVE EXHALE.
Again, not that I thought my position was actually going to be cut. My brain would just go their instantly because of my history. The sad thing is that I'm pretty sure I know who is going and I feel awful for him. He did some severely douchy things his first two years hear (I think I've talked about him before as the "grandstander") and he's improved vastly since than, even moving past tolerable and into likable. (I wound up losing the department chair to him because I sort of half-assed my candidacy and everyone thought I wasn't serious though I was. Not that I was gunning for it, but the previous chair encouraged me to do so.) But he was denied tenure (rumors are flying that it wasn't just his grandstanding, but some things that were observed in his classroom that were "odd") and that's almost an automatic dismissal. I hope I'm wrong. He' actually does some really good stuff with the kids. Really. But again, I'm relieved that I'm "safe."
Been a good day too. Did my "Facebook" character analysis project with my 11s and the rest of my afternoon looks pretty easy. Had a great music ride in to school: Regulate by Nate Dogg (RIP) and Warren G (A seminal song of my early 20s.), The Sweater Song by Weezer, Bullet W/ Butterfly Wings by the Smashing Pumpkins (Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness is the very definition of an "epic album.") and VH's Dreams. So I had a feeling.
Now if one more ship can come in, I'd be one happy mofoer.
Pink slips went out today. I, to the best of my knowledge, am not going to be a recipient of one of said slips...I don't know what my "number" is, but it's pretty high. It's a shitty day to be working. And from what I've heard, more are to come. It sucks. No one is smiling and their is a palpable feeling of gloom.
I won't rant about our top heavy district (we have more assistant to the..., coordinators, directors and their staff then we do teachers). I want to discuss the emotional toll this has on people, especially me. (Cause we all know that's all that matters!)
It's such a strange feeling. I am crushed for many of these people (including one phenomenal special ed teacher that I worked very closely with this summer) on one hand. On the other, and this worries me on some level, I am relieved that it wasn't me. Now, I know I said that I am not on the block (fully certified, tenured, 6 years into the job, well-liked by administration, etc), I've been fired from jobs and I know the feeling. I can't imagine how they feel.
I still worry, though. Big time. Not for myself, per se. Like I said, I've lost jobs before. But this is the first time in my life that I've ever had people to genuinely provide for...and that scares the shit out of me. Natalie is, by far, the most important thing in my life and the thought of not being able to provide for her terrifies me in a way that words cannot describe.
If that wasn't enough, look at the rundown of the shittiness that has been the last 36 hours for me:
My wife got her minivan stuck in the mud in the backyard.
The sewer backed up into our basement. (Good times there!)
Natalie is having an allergic reaction to something and we don't know what it is.
I'm giving a test today. I've written more referrals, sent more students to the office and requested more parent teacher conferences today than I have all year. And I feel good about it. Weird day. It's open book too. Sit down, shut up and do it. Not that hard. One of the girls I kicked out called me "pathetic." I guess so. Oh, well.